The Hans Wiemann Effect

It twas a shiny Sunday morn, I was reviewing my notes from the villainous Coyotes game (we lost, 4-3 by the way) and watching some pre-game football babble on the big screen. Then, suddenly, a John Madden quote was thrown into the discussion regarding leadership and Tony Romo. As I sat back and pondered, I noticed something about this group of men talking about leadership…

…maybe it’s the hair?

Every sport has had its fair share of over-the-top hairstyles. I then gathered my thoughts and put together this collection of free hair radicals that support my theory. Their leadership was just as obvious as their ‘do.

HOCKEY:

Jaromir Jagr – The Mothership of all Mullets. When the super-mullet peaked from 1995-1997, Jagr had collected 109 goals, 135 assists and 244 points in those two seasons. He also had 15 goals and 16 assists in the playoffs. If you still doubt me, just Google “Jaromir Jagr girlfriend”. Coincidence? I think not.

Brian Engblom – Golden hair to accentuate those golden pipes. I can’t turn away when he starts talking.

FOOTBALL:

Deion Sanders – When Neon Deion ran wild in Atlanta, so did his jehri curl. Sanders returned his first career punt return for a touchdown. Sanders found the end zone 10 times with the Falcons. He intercepted, returned kicks and/or caught passes for scores. Oh, and during his down time he played Major League Baseball.

Brian Bosworth – Although pretty much a bust in the NFL, Boz still captured the first two Butkus Awards in college all while sporting one razor-sharp mullet.

BASEBALL:

Pedro Martinez – Its one part shag, two parts jehri curl and one part mullet. However the ‘do was produced, it led Martinez to the highest winning percentage that any pitcher has had with any team in Major League Baseball history (117-37). The shaggy mullet curl also gives the owner the strength to toss senior citizens several feet and without remorse!

Randy Johnson – The Mullet of Mullets. The Big Unit’s mullet was a close cousin of Jagr’s. Johnson’s unique style arrived on the scene in 1988 and it arrived with something that very few of the previously mentioned gentleman had; a sidekick. Johnson’s fierce mullet was also accompanied by a vintage adult film actor’s moustache. However, the figurative Batman and Robin didn’t reach their peak strength until 1993 Johnson went 19-8 and had over 300 strikeouts. The hair also aided in Cy Young Awards, a perfect game, a no-hitter and many more awards non-mullet related.

BASKETBALL:

Dennis Rodman – The Technicolor Dreamcoat of Hair, Rodman was also a hard-nosed player. The two-time NBA Defensive Player of the Year, five-time NBA Champion and seven-time NBA Rebounding Champion had a nine-time colored hairstyle. Rodman has also surrounded himself with other great hair aficionados; he was once on The Apprentice with Donald Trump and one wrestled with the mullet-loving Hulk Hogan.

Julius Erving – He’s Dr. J, ‘nuff said.

SOCCER:

Panayotis Alexander “Alexi” Lalas – Just like the Big Unit, the party up top matched the party up front. This Hall of Fame backliner had nine goals and over 95 caps in his career. He also made American soccer interesting for me to watch again.

HONORABLE MENTIONS: Johnny Damon, Tim Lincecum, John McEnroe, Oscar Gamble, Sunshine from Remember the Titans, Jason Giambi, Jared Allen

Now, for every great player whose incredible head mop only adds to their legend, there are those players whose lack of hair also does them wonders. For example:

Andre Agassi – Sure, he had a mullet that would make Billy Ray Cyrus jealous. But, it wasn’t until he shaved his head that he won six of his eight Grand Slams.

Zinedine Zidane – Leadership brought to you by Bic Razors and raging, unadulterated aggression.

Terry Bradshaw – Losing hair but winning Super Bowls (4) and Super Bowl MVP Awards (2).

Michael Jordan – Do you seriously need a reason to justify this mention?

HONORABLE MENTIONS: Mark Messier, Matt Hasselbeck, Kevin Youkilis, Kevin Garnett and of course, Stone Cold Steve Austin.

So with all of this hardcore evidence in front of this, we have arrived at one conclusion: leadership starts at the top. So Tony Romo’s alleged missing leadership can be found if he just shaves his head or grows his hair out. Hey, it works perfectly for Shane Doan.

Thanks for reading. Join us next time when Good Hair Goes Bad!

Tags: Shane Doan